Yoni (aka vaginal) Massage
So many of us are alienated from our bodies.
How do I know this? For almost 20 years now my practice has focused on women’s health and fertility. I have heard story after story of women who have internalized our society’s deeply conflicted and dishonoring messages about our sexuality, who are uncomfortable touching their own bodies. I have listened to women say things like “I don’t like to put anything in there (their vagina) except my husband.” Seriously? Not even your own fingers? I mean, who owns this thing called your body? I have watched more than one woman who was actively trying to get pregnant blush as they told me they had accidentally left a tampon in their vagina for weeks and didn’t notice, only to have a gynecologist tell them what was causing the strange odor. To me, all this is emblematic of a fundamental disconnect our society has between our bodies, our sexuality, and ultimately our health.
East Asian medicine teaches that our sexual energy is our root energy. It is our essence. Our very life force. It is to be honored and respected. I find this to be such a refreshing counterpoint to the dominant narrative in our society.
So many of us have experienced issues affecting our sexuality and health including infertility, history of trauma and abuse, menstrual difficulties, sexual issues etc. We may be angry with our bodies, or feel betrayed by them. So often we try to tell them what to do. We order them around and demand with intention or prayer that they perform the way we want them to and do what we ask of them. Those of us trying to get pregnant might download a meditation to visualize our ovaries creating beautiful follicles and eggs, our fallopian tubes moving smoothly, our uterus opening receiving and welcoming an embryo. While there is a place for all this, what bothers me is that it’s all so top-down. It’s all our head telling our bodies what to do. It can all become a bit of an internal dictatorship.
What’s missing in this scenario?
What are the things that we so RARELY do with our bodies?
LISTEN
FEEL
RESPECT
HONOR
This is where yoni massage comes in. Yoni is a Sanskrit word that translates literally to “womb” or “source” which includes the vagina and vulva. I prefer the word yoni to vagina because it implies a sacredness, not just an anatomical designation. Yoni massage is a journey into self respect and self-intimacy where we listen and feel without judgement. We allow our bodies to teach us what they want and need.
HOW TO APPROACH YONI MASSAGE:
Think of it as meditation meets bodywork meets spirituality meets our sexual energy. Unlike self-pleasuring or masturbation, this isn’t necessarily about pleasure or orgasm, although those may happen as well. It’s more about self-exploration, allowing our bodies, emotions, sexuality to reveal themselves to us and guide us.
So often we try to treat sexual issues or trauma piecemeal. Vulvodynia, endometriosis, and painful intercourse may be treated with pelvic floor physical therapy, vulvar and vaginal botox injections (yes, you read that correctly), hormones, surgery, talk therapy, trauma-centric therapies, etc. East Asian medicine believes that our history lives in the tissues of our bodies, not only in the wiring of our brains. I believe that our journey to optimal health is really a journey towards wholeness, towards integrating the parts of ourselves and the emotions and experiences that we have exiled. In yoni massage we have the opportunity to explore and get to know a part of ourselves that is so often left out. Emotions and feelings that are stored in that region have some time and space to be experienced, and as we do this we allow them to be integrated into the greater whole of who we are. This can be deeply healing.
WHAT IS NEEDED:
You.
A comfortable space and privacy.
Time (30-60 minutes).
Coconut oil or other lubricant. This one contains CBD and may be useful for women with painful issues like vulvodynia.
Self-compassion, patience, kindness and respect towards oneself and one’s journey.
Our internal permission to feel what is there without judgement, analysis, or interpretation.
Breath.
Basic anatomy. Here’s a link with some diagrams.
HOW TO:
Think of this as a self-exploration massage and acupressure treatment for your vulva and vagina. It may release emotions and stuck energy, which is a good thing. If you should feel a wave of emotion, allow it. Breathe. Invite it to become full, and meet it with compassion. East Asian medicine teaches that emotions are like waves. When we allow the wave and give it permission to move through our body, it will pass. This is where health happens. It’s also possible to not feel much at all, or to feel numb or frozen. It’s all good. If that happens, take some deep breaths and allow the attention to move there anyway. Feel into the numbness with curiousity if that’s what’s there. The point is to embrace whatever you do or do not feel in the moment. This is what creates the space for things to shift.
Use your fingers to gently feel. In East Asian medicine’s elaborate system of pulse diagnosis, we use the word “listen” to describe how we put our attention into our fingertips and sense what’s going on in the pulse. We listen to the message of the blood flowing through, feel its size, shape and rhythm. We use our fingers as sensors. This is a good intention to have during yoni massage, to allow your fingers to listen and sense. You can use your fingers to rub in small circles or strokes. Just as you would with a shoulder massage, if you find any tight or tense or painful spots, spend some additional time in those areas. It is not your job to rub out any knots or tight, painful spots. Instead, be gentle and invite those areas to tell you what they want or need, not the other way around. Before massaging each area, check in with the body and ask its permission. If at any point the body says “No.” respect that. Never, ever, ever use force. This is also about training our minds to respect the voice of our bodies. So much in our culture teaches us to override that inner voice. Respecting our inner voice can be an important part of healing.
Use your breath and imagine directing it into the yoni and allowing our whole pelvis to expand and contract along with the breath.
Note: yoni massage can be done on oneself or by a partner. Here I describe the steps to do it on oneself. I believe we ourselves are our first and most fundamental relationship and so I recommend starting with ourselves. You can always invite a loving and trusted partner in later on if desired.
Create a beautiful, sacred space. Consider music, light, scent, fabrics that feel delicious to you. Surround yourself with beauty and safety.
Find a comfortable position: Lying on the back with pillows under the knees and legs open is often a good choice. You want to have easy access to your yoni and be able to really relax the whole body at the same time.
Clarify your intention: what positive feelings or attitudes would you like to bring to your yoni today?
Using your fingers begin by massaging the areas around the vulva. Spend 5-10 minutes massaging the inner thighs and the lower abdomen. Use lubricant like coconut oil or CBD infused lubricant throughout the massage and in all areas described below. Keep breathing deeply into the lower abdomen or vagina.
Move towards the outer lips or labia. Use lube and lightly hold them between your fingers and gently rub and feel. Keep breathing. Keep listening.
Now move towards the perineum. This is the area between the back of the vagina and the anus. In acupuncture, this point is called the Meeting of Yin where three major channels that regulate the whole body’s Yin, Yang, and conception meet. This point regulates the genitals and calms the spirit. Breathe deeply into this area. Feel. Allow. Listen. Let it tell you its story. It may be completely different each time, so don’t be surprised by that.
Moving on to the clitoris, brush lightly around and over it. The lighter the touch the better. Use lube as needed and alternate touching here with brushing over the inner thighs, low abdomen, perineum, and labia to keep the energy circulating.
You may or may not become aroused, and either one is perfect. The point is to get to know your own body. To feel your own body from the inside out. This is self-intimacy. This is giving your body one of the most potent medicines in existence: your own kind attention.
Explore the vagina. Please use additional lube if needed. Imagine the walls of the vagina as a clock and slowly work your way around the clock, spending additional time gently massaging any areas of tightness, tension or pain. If an area is painful, see if you can find the shape of the discomfort. Back away a bit and see if it is okay with your body to massage at the periphery of where the discomfort lies and see what arises. Again, ask permission and respect the response.
Explore the G-spot. This is the area on the front wall of the vagina (towards the abdomen) where the texture of the skin feels ridged, like the roof of the mouth or a bit like corduroy. Explore. Feel. Listen. Breathe.
Continue up and explore the cervix. This is the area at the top of the vaginal canal that feels a bit firm like the tip of a nose. Depending on individual anatomy, you may or may not be able to reach it easily with your fingers. If you are not sure if you can find it, get into a squat position and it should be more clear. Allow your fingers to say hello to this deepest area of the vagina. For some of us this area will be sensitive, and for others, not. Either way is perfect. Breathe light and love into this area. In Taoist reflexology, this is where the heart lies.
Ask the body again if there is anything else it wants or needs and if there is any emotion or sensation that wants your attention. Do your best to honor its requests.
Thank the body for opening and allowing this sacred sexual energy to be awakened.
Complete the yoni massage with three rounds of breathing through the Microcosmic Orbit: inhaling as you imagine bringing your attention up along the spine and exhaling as you direct your attention down the front midline of the body to the perineum. And then repeat, inhaling up the spine, exhaling down the front in one continuous loop. After the third round, bring your hands to your low abdomen in a triangle with the thumbs and forefingers touching and imagine sending loving, kind, compassionate energy through the entire low abdomen and pelvis.
Take your time and be gentle with yourself afterwards.
Remember, it can take some time and practice to be able to really tune in to these parts of the body. The first few times you do this, it may be more about familiarizing yourself with your body before getting into the deeper levels of this. Time, patience, and curiosity will help. Enjoy the process of getting to know this body that is your home.